


dead birds

by icemachine



Series: doom patrol daily drabbles [1]
Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Gen, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine
Summary: He imagines escaping sounds like the rustle and hum of an airplane, the utter silence of space.(Stream of consciousness through The Accident.)





	dead birds

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the doom patrol daily drabble project WHICH I AM GOING TO FINISH i'm going to write a drabble every day until season two airs because a) as i publish this there's currently only 117 works in the doom patrol tv tag and that's a crime and b) i need something to occupy me until season 2.
> 
> prompt: dead birds

The sound of John Bowers’ voice in his ears, the sound of John Bowers’ hands moving over his deadwrongruined skin—his hands steering, his hands escaping the Earth’s atmosphere, his hands and his hands and his hands. Flying. Touching greatness. Godliness. Viewing what no one else has viewed. Experiencing what no one else has experienced; freedom from the broken pieces of the self, in a scene of beauty and galactic peace. Stars and stars and stars and stars. Black and white. Surroundings like poetry, like dreams, and. Like dreams, and. Like dreams where he is not a coward. He is not a coward, he is a coward, he is strong, he is not strong. Larry Trainor is many things, but  _ strong  _ is not an adjective that can be used to describe him. Weak, maybe. Coward, infinitely. Abomination, perhaps.

Never strong. He loves but he is never strong. One day he hopes that. He can be someone else. Someone good. No. One day—

_ One _

_ day _

_ — _

Oh.

The sound of John Bowers in his ears and—

_ The sound of John Bowers and love and escaping and love and escaping and love and escaping what does escaping even  _ ** _sound _ ** _ like, he imagines escaping sounds like the rustle and hum of an airplane, the utter silence of space and— _

Oh.

And oh.

Blue light, flickering. His first thought is  _ it’s beautiful like space  _ and then  _ this isn’t supposed to be here, this isn’t right, there’s something up here and it cannot _

_ be _

_ good. _

The voices continue, raging in his headset, but Larry is silent, silent like space and ultimate purity  _ silent like secrets silent like loving behind trains like like like like like like like _

Like blue light. An aura, a cloud. Blue like vein-skin-vein. Color in the colorless. This isn’t real. This isn’t happening. This isn’t real this isn’t happening he’s in a dream and he’s going to wake up in bed with Sheryl and.

And not J—

Is there life? Beyond Earth? He doesn’t want to think about, knows -- knows that if he flees from life just to find more life, it’s not - it’s not right. He can never get out. He can  _ never  _ get away. He can  _ never  _ \-- escape -- himself. 

Lightest blue, lightest blue, the hint a glimmer, a pulse of spark. He stares at it. He can’t stop staring.

_ I think there’s something up here. _

It’s moving. It’s? Moving? It’s moving. It’s. Floating—-encompassing—-enveloping—-like something Larry could never—

Like bodies , something Larry would want—

If he were—

If he wasn’t—

If—

If Larry—

If—

I—

……

……..

………..

…………

………….

………………

………………..

………………….

……………………

…………………………

He wakes up on fire and his head hurts and God something is different something is - different, besides BeingOnFire something is different he can  _ feel it  _ around him birds are falling out of the sky he thinks they are he can feel it he cannot see past the fire and the pain and his body and his body and his body his body his “body” that was never his it hurts and he knows

he will never be the same but he crawls out anyway. 

Of course this doesn’t kill him of  _ course  _ it doesn’t he craves craved craves craved --

And he crawls out anyway, to John Bowers, amen. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> as always, thanks for reading and feedback appreciated ♥


End file.
